To Myself from 17 Years Ago,
I know this letter is too late, but do not go to Bank Shots on that January night. You're life would have been so different if you just stay home. Since you went anyway, please pay attention to all red flags! Your family and close friends see the bigger picture, while your head is clouded with his bullshit lies. Be honest with yourself and don’t justify someone else’s actions especially when it leads to violence. Take video, pictures, keep a journal, keep voice memos. Send it all to a trusted friend or family member for safekeeping. It will be difficult to do but when that time comes to send proof, you'll have it. What he did to you for months is called gaslighting, emotional and physical abuse. You need to get out now!
There will be a day, when you wake up and you’re no longer scared for your safety, you no longer cry because you think death is the only way out of the situation. Some days are better than others. Random memories can get to you and you will dwell in your feelings a bit. That’s okay, your feelings are totally valid. It may take a long time to get through what you went through. You will get justice. You will have to stand in front of a judge and him and read the letter you wrote below, but you'll be stronger when you do it. You'll meet with victim coordinators through the state of Delaware, your voice will be heard.
Love Always,
Your Future Self
February 15th, 2008
I want to thank the court for giving me this opportunity to address you and express my feelings as to what the defendant did to me. From May through September, I was subjected to physical, mental and emotional abuse. The defendant is a manipulative liar and would go as far as lying to an 80 year old woman, my grandmother, to get into my house and steal my laptop. He would continuously call me when I would tell him to leave me a lone. He has also called my father repeatedly. He has spit in my face, shoved me down onto concrete after leaping out of a window to do so. He's put his hands around my neck and covered my mouth when I was having a panic attack and couldn't breathe. He's punched me in the head, yell in my face, throw drinks at me, he would try to steal my car keys and throw them onto route 896, but as I gripped my fingers into my keys, he twisted them leading me to have another panic attack. I still have nightmares of the dependent attacking me. The reason I stayed with him was because I was so terrified of what he would do if I left. I felt trapped and I would cry myself to sleep at night because I thought I would never make it out of the relationship alive. He would go as far as telling me I'll never find anyone who loved me like he did. He's right, I can and have found better. He can no longer hold me down. He wrote me a letter after he was charged with violating the no contact order, in the letter he wrote "I'm not mad at you for calling the cops, they charged me on 6 counts, so that kind of sucked." I wish I had pressed charges sooner than I had. I didn't have the strength then that I do now. In life, people tell you never to regret, it's just a lesson learned . He was the lesson learned, but he is the one thing in my life that I will forever regret. I ask you to look at the history of the defendant, I don't have much faith that once he gets free out of jail, he will violate your order. He seems to always violate orders. I ask you to please make it known tot he defendant that I want to never see or hear from him ever again. I ask that you order him to please leave my family alone and keep away from me. I also ask that you recommend that he take anger classes along with counseling. Judge Brady, thank you for giving me this chance to speak on this case and for taking the time to listen.
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