My dirty little “me time” secret fantasy

I have this fantasy. It might sound silly to some of you but if you know me personally, you’ll believe me when I tell you. I realize that not everyone will share this fantasy of mine and some may even hate me a little for it or believe my fantasty to be cruel. I mean as a mom… I’m not supposed to have this kind of fantasy. I’m supposed to love and cherish all things children and motherhood right?


There are moments when I find myself staring out the window or at a blank word document, struggling to put words on the screen, watching the clock tick down to a looming due date. Just thinking and imagining what it will be like…

I cannot wait for Peanut to start school next fall.

I realize he is my baby. The last of the children. But still. I can’t wait.

Believe me or don’t but I catch myself staring out the window, thinking of what it will be like to have a house quiet (save Brian’s snoring after a rough night at work), the things I could do in a quiet house, (go back to sleep) run to the store on my own… spend the day working at the library if I so choose (and I would choose. Often.) the television to myself… I can watch whatever I want! No Dora, Diego, Franklin, Little Bear (though I’ll miss them all dearly)… I imagine it being like Christmas, getting your driver’s license, and my first kiss all rolled into one. My heart races at the thought.

I envy the moms who say their kids are all in school while they stay at home (I imagine the freedom). Having all the kids in school is a life long (4 years really) dream of mine that in under a year will become a reality.

Before you burst my bubble and tell me that I will be just as busy with them all at school as I was with them home… just stop. You’re not telling me something I don’t already know but as a work from home professional… this is huge. This is client calls without cartoons or video games in the background. This is outings for research on topics to wherever I need to go and not have to worry about bathroom breaks, lunch or naptimes.

This is what I imagine heaven will be like. I can almost picture angels singing in the background now as I wave goodbye to Peanut on his first day of school.

Awww hell. I might actually get to hold my annual (thus far imaginary) Margaritas at Noon Back to School Party. You’ll all be invited. You’re welcome.

I know it sounds heartless but on the first day of school you’ll likely catch me waving the bus goodbye with a tear running down my cheek. Don’t be sad for me. Those aren’t tears of sadness at all. It’s complete and utter joy.

About Nichole Smith

Nichole Smith has written 765 post in this blog.

Founder of Chaos in the Country and (original) The Guilty Parent blog, Nichole is a professional writer, blogger, social media strategist, and collector of yarn, books, and pretty paper.


  1. And then you have us homeschool moms who always have our kids home with us, and not only work but teach. hehe

    Let me tell you, our fantasies are something like running away from home. :-) Honestly, I do take off and evening or two every so often. I let the hubs watch Lil Man, and I go somewhere quite like the coffee shop, and I just chill. :-)
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  2. You know I thought of the homeschooling moms when I was writing this. I couldn’t do it. I know I couldn’t. I’ve had serious issues with our school district in the last year but I still know my kids are better off in school than they would be at home learning from me. I shudder to think what they’d walk away knowing!
    I used to never take time for myself… well I take that back, when Bug was little I would run away to the only 24hr open store we had and that was Super Kmart and that was about a 30 minute drive. I’d go there in the middle of the night to buy baby food and diapers when needed. Now I actually am starting to make more time for myself that DOES NOT involve running errands LOL.

    Homeschooling parents have my deepest and utmost respect! *fist bump*

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